Do What You Do When You Did What You Did To Me

These inspired lyrics are from the 80s hit “Do What You Do” by Jermaine LaJuane Jackson. ♫♪ I remember rollerskating to them back in the day, and thinking what a funny chorus that was. But not nearly as funny as the names of his kids, which we will discover today. Shown here is a solid handful of some of them.

Today I learned that  it was not Michael who first parted ways with The Jackson 5. It was Jermaine. While his brothers decided to leave Motown Records, he chose to stay. You see, Motown’s founder was Berry Gordy, and Jermaine was enamored of his daughter, Hazel.

He took Hazel to be his wife in 1973, while still a teen. Together, they had Jermaine, Jr and Autumn Joi (not to be confused with Almond Joy). But fidelity was not his bag, baby. Jermaine got himself a girlfriend named Margaret Maldonado, who gave birth to Jeremy in 1986. Then Jermaine told wife Hazel, “I Want You Back” and she got pregnant again and bore Jaimy in 1987. But then he kicked her to the curb for good.

According to dailyentertainmentnews.com, Jermaine and Margaret moved in together after his divorce from Hazel in 1988. Sticking with J names in the manner of The Duggars, Margaret gave birth to Jourdyn the following year. But Jermaine couldn’t stick around and change diapers. No, sir. Instead, he went on a trip to Bahrain, converted to Islam, and unofficially adopted the name Muhammad Wassab. Then he flew back home.

Things presumably went well until Jermaine decided it was time to sow his wild oats again. Blame it on the boogie. This time, he’d keep it in the Jackson family.

In 1995, Jermaine left Margaret for his brother Randy’s woman, Alejandra Oaziaza. Say it: Oaziaza. Awesome. She had already provided Randy Jackson with two kids, Genevieve and Steven, but sadly, neither of these names started with J. Alejandra, grateful that finally a Jackson wanted to put a ring on it, immediately got busy with the ladykiller Jermaine. Randy was not pleased. Jermaine and Alejandra had two sons of their own, Jaafar and Jermajesty, then adopted son Donte.

By far, the best-known of the Jermaine-issued children is Jermajesty. Yes, just like “her majesty.” Except it’s not a her at all. It’s a stylish little dude.

Jermajesty–one of those names where you think the moment that the first parent brought it up, the second parent would have immediately nixed it as over-the-top. Nope. Their bond was too strong to nix things. Wait, hold up. Their bond was weak. Alejandra and Jermaine split up in 2003.

Several long tortuous months passed before the former Jackson 5 member could change his single status on facebook. In January 2004, while in line for overpriced Starbucks coffee, he met a woman from a wealthy Afghan family. Before winter became spring, he popped the question to Halima Rashid, who agreed, despite his history of transgressions. He pledged, “I’ll Be There,” and so far, he has. With no more J-named children.

 

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25 Responses to Do What You Do When You Did What You Did To Me

  1. wdydfae says:

    Well, no matter what, the Jackson 5 still had the best Xmas album.

    Which in retrospect appears to have been prophetic. From “Up on the Housetop” (track 4):

    Jermaine: Did you read Santa Claus my list?
    Michael: Of all the girls you’re waiting to kiss?”
    Jermaine: Mike, that list was only a joke!
    Michael: Too late, Jermaine, he’s sending you mistletoe!

    • kerbey says:

      Nice find! The Jackson 5 is dear to me. Two days ago, I thought Jermaine was a find upstanding 60-yr-old with a weird penchant for J names. And now this!

  2. Dave says:

    Jermajesty gets me every time, but the others are good too. Especially Almond Joy. I’m hungry.

  3. Dave says:

    Oaziaza! I feel like I’ve exercised my vocal cords for the day. Thanks. That was a good workout. Now I can laze about and get ready for Thanksgiving.

  4. Arto says:

    I think Berry Gordy is the underrated name of the bunch here.

    Jermajesty will forever steal whatever thunder is to be stolen, as it’s the greatest name ever given to a child anywhere, but Jermaine clearly had a habit of mingling with some amazingly named people. For that, I think he deserves an honorary entry to the BoFN Hall of Fame, if it exists.

    • kerbey says:

      BTW, Berry Gordy was the III BG, and he had a son who is now the IV, so the name will live on. Let us also recall that Jermaine is the uncle of Lark Voorhies, the now-crazy girl from “Saved By The Bell,” which just substantiates what you have said: mingling with the awesomely named.
      Maybe he could also be in the BoFN Ironic HOF bc Jermaine means “honest and courageous.”

  5. Benson says:

    I was a big fan of Michael. My first wife and I saw him in concert a couple of times. To me the Jackson Five were creators of Bubble Gum. I never knew all of this about Jermaine. Now that I do I think he is (was) a pig of gigantic proportion.

  6. ksbeth says:

    HRJ. His royal jermajesty.

  7. Elyse says:

    Just speechless. With a “J”

  8. Rio says:

    That gives me an idea for my soon to be born grandson, “Yermagistie”! Okay I changed the spelling but the message is the same!

  9. He certainly puts a new twist on names that start with the letter “J”. 🙂

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