Funny Names in the News 115, With Laphroaig Scotch, Cookie Roof, Vontaze Burfict, and Ivo van Hove



Welcome to another fun-filled edition of Funny Names in the News, Number 115.  We’ll start off with an amazing comment spotted a while ago on the Facebook page of the delicious Laphroaig scotch. They said Laphroaig 18 was “Emphatic. Full-bodied and utterly unforgettable.” This is true. I just tried Laphroaig 18 recently and I whole-heartedly agree.

But then even better, a commenter named Cookie Roof made a quip, and got an awesome response from the Laphroaig team. Totally worth checking out if the graphic is high-resolution enough. Let’s hope it is!

On to the return of an old friend. The BoFN’s very own ROB!!!!!! returned to write a little blurb about the playoff games from last last-last weekend. Okay, I know I should have written this post on Friday. Such is life.

Rob says:

Vontaze Burfict, football bad boy who seemed ready to explode throughout last weekend’s wild Bengals/Steelers playoff game – and eventually did. Looked like a hero after he pulled off what looked like a game-sealing interception, (after which he proceeded to run to the locker room with the ball, just because) until he decided to go headhunting, nailing Steeler Antonio brown with a very late hit to the head. The vicious hit, which concussed Brown, cost Burfict’s team 15 yards at a crucial moment, and played a big part in the Bengals’ loss. Not the Burfict way to end your season. Burfict has since been suspended for three contests next season as a result of his actions.”

Great to have you back, bro!

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming…

Our old friend correspondent Arto brings us news about what he called “Headline of the year featuring an old friend” and it’s a doozy! The headline is “With his crab soufflé, Ed Balls shows how to overcome the ultimate rejection” which is as amazing a headline as I’ve ever seen. It doesn’t even need to have a double-meaning like those “U.S. Bill Deals Blow to Canadian Fishermen” headlines that we all enjoy and love. We’ve featured Ed Balls here before, and he’s always been popular. Hard to understand why.

Ground control to majorly cool hair!

Ground control to majorly cool hair!

On to people whose names are far-less-plausibly-real than even Ed Balls, our Strange Headlines in Facebook’s “Trending Stories” Feed correspondent Dave (me) brings us the update that the rapper ostensibly known as Blac Youngsta was detained outside a bank after withdrawing $200,000 from an Atlanta bank. I’m guessing some people interpreted the story as a racial profiling kind of thing, or something about the egregious salaries of entertainers. But hopefully he was detained for being SO RAD! That was another cool headline “Blac Youngsta Detained After Withdrawing $200,000 from Atlanta Bank.”


As you may have heard, the legendary David Jones… wait… that’s not a funny name… David Bowie (sorta funny) passed away recently, and left fans mourning all over Facebook. Plus, it led to Diddy’s Amazing Epic Rap Battle tribute last week. Bowie made it cool to be weird, and left us with a lot of fantastic memories in both the music and film worlds. As far as the funny names world goes, in a fascinating NYT retrospective about how his final album “allowed his art to deliver a final message” we were graced with the name Ivo Van Hove, who was the director of Bowie’s musical Lazarus, which would end up becoming one of the last parts of Bowie’s illustrious legacy.

And that’s it for this special Monday edition of Funny Names in the News. See you on the other side!




About Dave

Based out of San Diego, California. Co-founder of the Blog of Funny Names.
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20 Responses to Funny Names in the News 115, With Laphroaig Scotch, Cookie Roof, Vontaze Burfict, and Ivo van Hove

  1. It’s a FNitN Monday spectacular. From Rob’s reappearance to Bowie’s leaving the building.

    • Dave says:

      Not too shabby for a Monday, eh? The funny thing is that after probably a year or two away, Rob got slightly miffed at me for not noticing he had updated the draft of this post last Thursday. We all make mistakes. If that’s my biggest mistake this week, then I’m doing A-OK.

  2. Arto says:

    Vontaze Burfict is the kind of name you’d expect to find in a David Bowie musical. I’m glad his spacey influence has been bleeding into the sports world as well. What a name.

    I also like the first responder to the whisky post – Kyle Tonks!

    • Dave says:

      Hahaha so much goodness in one Whisky post. And Vontaze Burfict won me over before I ever saw him play. What a champ!

    • Dave says:

      I just realized that I have a very hard time being impartial when talking about Laphroaig 18 (not that it’s really my goal to be impartial there). I said “delicious”, “It’s true” and “I wholeheartedly agree” within a few-sentence span.

    • Rob says:

      Vontaze is a lunatic!

  3. ksbeth says:

    so much fun in one post it should be illegal. i can’t get past ed balls.

    • Dave says:

      No one ever can.

      I don’t even know what that means, but I felt like it was the right reply.

      And if fun in a blog post is illegal, then consider me Al Capone. Oh wait, he didn’t do anything illegal other than tax evasion, right?

  4. kerbey says:

    Nice picture of Balls tasting batter. I would eat his carrot cake.

    I’m not a scotch man myself, so how do you pronounce that? Le Frog? That sounds like a fancy Parisian amphibian. But I am game for any spirits, so please pour me some!

    Ziggy Stardust isn’t real, but it’s certainly a funny name. I did read that David’s son, Duncan, was originally named Zowie. Zowie Bowie! BTW, James Bowie (famous for dying at the Alamo) has a street in Austin named after him. You may have already read that someone added the name “David” in front of Bowie St, and they are leaving it there for a week.

    • Dave says:

      Laphroaig actually includes a pronunciation key on the bottle because nobody could pronounce it otherwise. The pronunciation is “La-froyg” and it means “The beautiful hollow by the broad bay.” For my dignity, let’s pretend I know that because I have a strong command of the Scots language, and not because I like to partake in Laphroaig and its smoky, peaty goodness!

      It’s one of the most hardcore scotches – very peaty and smoky, so it’s one you work up to. But now I love it so much! We can blame Arto for introducing me to reasonably-priced single malt scotches in San Diego.

      Zowie Bowie!
      Wowie Zowie! (Sorry for changing o sounds on you, but there’s nothing else I could reply with)

      That story is awesome. And I need to add Zowie Bowie to the next FNITN draft. I had heard the story but didn’t know it was in Austin. Cool factoids! That’ll come in handy in pub trivia someday.

      • kerbey says:

        What a connoisseur you are! Who knew peaty was good? Is that like hoppy in IPA beer? Just a little too extreme for the normal person. You should have that Anchorman Ben & Jerry’s Scotchy Scotch Scotch ice cream.

        • Dave says:

          Precisely! I’ve never made that connection, but you hit the nail on the head!

          I do enjoy the flavor, but I think part of it is I also enjoy the association. The first time I had a really peaty scotch was after a med school exam, and I pretty much only have a peaty scotch is after a big exam or during the rare break from coursework. It’s a good-times beverage.

          Hmmm…. Scotchy Scotch Scotch… I’m very very intrigued…. Google tells me it was a limited time flavor. Maybe they’ll make an Anchorman 3 and re-release it

  5. wdydfae says:

    “. . . I love the smell of FNitN in the morning . . .”

    “. . . boisterous shout-outs to that whacky BoFN crew . . . Dave comes through again with an explosive cornucopia of name humor . . .”

    “. . . riveting . . . contemporary . . . relevant . . . deeply compelling . . .”

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