Good morning y’all!
It’s Dave here, rising early to make a
triumphant, stumbling, bumbling, fumbling (wow, there are so many good words that end with -umbling) return for a star-studded edition of
Funny Names in the News
now in its 118th edition, which makes it older (kind of) than the world’s oldest person, who is none other than Ms. Susannah Mushatt Jones, of Brooklyn by way of Alabama. At 116 (going on 117) is now the last remaining person who was verifiably born in the 1800’s.
She owes her longevity to the fact that she’s never partied, smoked, worn makeup, or dyed her hair. That and for breakfast she always eats bacon, scrambled eggs, and grits – and eats bacon throughout the day. Sounds grand to me.
I’ve decided to become a temporary teetotaler (funny word for non-drinker) until finishing an important test in May, and I’d be glad to keep it up if that means 89 more years and a chance to eat bacon all the time. Mmmm…. bacon.
So today I woke up at 5:30 am, for idiopathic reasons. Idiopathic – that’s the fancy medical word for “an illness we don’t know the meaning of.” Or as an old doc once told me: it comes from the Latin – pathologia for disease, and idio for “the doctor’s an idiot and can’t figure out where the disease came from.” But I’ll take it – a chance to do 100 jumps with my newfangled weighted jump rope before the sun comes up. I’m sure weighted jump ropes are actually pretty old-fangled, but they’re newfangled to me! It has a 1lb weight in each of the handles, and whew… that makes a difference.
What was I here for? Oh yeah, to tell y’all about the fact that BoFN favorite and all-around nice guy Nonito Donaire has the rare chance to be the less funny-named guy in the ring when he faces off against Zsolt Bedak in Cebu City, Philippines two weeks from now.
The last time that happened to Nonito was probably when he faced off with the curiously Spanishy-Frenchly named (and all-around cool pants guy) Guillermo Rigondeaux of Cuba, who in 2013 handed Donaire his first loss in twelve years, and still remains undefeated.
Rigondeaux also happens to be a two-time Olympic Gold Medalist, as well as being a top pound-for-pound fighter in the world. Another example of the Kermit Can Kill Conjecture? …. maybe so.
In thrilling pathology news (and not idiopathic because we know what causes it), I recently learned of a Sister Mary Joseph Nodule, which is by far the best nodule name I’ve encountered. It’s a palpable nodule bulging into the umbilicus, due to metastasis from a pelvic or abdominal cancer. No photos of that one, sadly.
And finally, in some “fond memories” news, we are sad to announce the death of Merle Haggard on Wednesday, on his 79th birthday. Merle Ronald Haggard is one of those funny names like Elvis Presley or Laurence Fishburne that flies under the radar because you’ve heard it so much, but is a truly fantastic name.
Merle was also a fantastic guy, and leaves us with many timeless classics. Merle was the kind of guy who liked “holdin’ hands, and pitchin’ woo” (from Okie from Muskogee, and wow… Muskogee, Oklahoma is a superb place name), and for a guy from California (born and raised in the Bakersfield area) he sang about the heartland of America as well as anyone. Let’s end this with a favorite Merle lyric, and a favorite anecdote.
I read about some squirrely guy,
Who claims, he just don’t believe in fightin’.
An’ I wonder just how long,
The rest of us can count on bein’ free.
They love our milk an’ honey,
But they preach about some other way of livin’.
When they’re runnin’ down my country, hoss,
They’re walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me. – Merle Haggard, “The Fightin’ Side of Me”
and the anecdote: Johnny Cash and Merle were performing together one night, and Johnny mentioned his show at San Quentin prison in 1958. Merle said “That was a great show.”
Johnny replied “I don’t remember you being in my band that night, Merle.”
Merle – always a hard-living kinda guy – replied “I was in the audience.”
And it was true. 20-year-old inmate Merle Haggard heard Johnny play at San Quentin, and credits that concert for setting him on the path toward playing country music, and becoming a country legend.
Thank you, Merle Ronald Haggard, for all the memories, and reminding us what it’s like to bleed red, white and blue.
Susannah Mushatt Jones has shown us how to add years to our lives (no smoking, partying, makeup or hair dye, plus bacon, eggs, grits, and more bacon), and Merle continues to show us how to add life to our years. Happy Friday, folks! This boy’s got Ramblin’ Fever! (the kind that can’t be measured by degrees).