Funny Names in the News vol. 119 with NFL Draft Recap, Zippy Chippy, and Free Crumpets

Good morning and Happy Monday funny names fans!

We start today with a special NFL Draft recap. Here’s Mark with a rundown on the results from our readers’ poll from last week :

NFL Draft news–In a major upset, The Player Formerly Known as Eli Woodard, Eli Apple, was the first to get drafted among  TBoFN Funnies Names in the NFL Draft Poll, nominees.  Poor Laremy Tunsil, his bonging antics on twitter cost him dearly in the draft and the poll.  The early favorite to be the number one pick dropped all the way to unlucky #13 and he came in a dismal tied for fifth in our poll, garnering barely 7% of the vote.  The winner and new champion?  The mellifluously over-named Halapoulivaati Vitie won in a record landslide, garnering over 50% of the vote in a 9-way race that included three write-in candidates.  Due to space limitations and the length of his name, I’ll leave it at that.  See you next year.

Mr. Apple

Mr. Apple

Thanks Mark – that’s big shocker of a result, but I can’t be too upset with Mr. Apple’s victory. Well deserved.

Elsewhere in the news, BBC reporter Rupert Wingfield-Hayes was deported from North Korea over the weekend for the crime of reporting what is going on in the country. After eight hours of questioning by local authorities, the fancily named newsman was released and is being expelled from the country. He will hopefully have a fine setting of tea and crumpets waiting at home.

Speaking of England, the soccer world witnessed one of the most unlikely champions this week, as 5000-1 outsiders Leicester City lifted the English Premier League trophy. Owners Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha and his son Aiyawatt Srivaddhanaprabha joined the celebrations. Among the better named players in the squad is hard working midfielder N’Golo Kante, who also drives an adorable Mini. Our congratulations to the very unlikely winners.

Here’s what we know about football this week : Jaypee Philbert is among those fighting for game time for Iowa State Cyclones next year.

Finally, we have some horse news. The Hamilton Spectator tells us about Zippy Chippy, who in spite of his marvelous name managed to lose all 100 of the races he ran. His story is chronicled in a new book by Canadian author William Thomas. Presumably Thomas wanted to write about someone who had an even worse record than the Toronto Maple Leafs, and Zippy was pretty much it.

Thanks for reading, this was all…until the next edition.





About Arto

Co-founder of the Funny Names Blog, Hawaiian shirt enthusiast, and holder of a funny name himself with too many vowels for any sensible person. Currently residing in San Diego, California, scouring through obscure documents on a hunt for more funny names.
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8 Responses to Funny Names in the News vol. 119 with NFL Draft Recap, Zippy Chippy, and Free Crumpets

  1. Congratulations to Mr. Apple for his win. And his winning picture. Then on to Mr. N’Golo Kante, who drove his Mini to victory. I wonder if the trophy fit in the boot? 🙂

    • Arto says:

      I think those Minis are spacier than they look…not sure why I think that, but I do.

      Rumor has it that Mr N’Golo used to run to practice every morning until the team insisted he buy a car instead. He went for the Mini instead of the typical star athlete Ferrari type because clearly he’s just an awesome individual.

      • I have to agree, Mr. N’Golo is an awesome individual and has great taste in cars. And Mini’s are roomier on the inside than they appear. We can fit my better half (6’5″ with shoulders that fill a doorway) and me in the front seat and still have room. 🙂

  2. ksbeth says:

    in looking at some of these more than lengthy names, i am reminded of my kindergarten class. every child, with more than 4 letters in their name, quickly learns to come up with a nickname that they would like to be called, with 3 or less letters, once they realize they have to learn to how write all of those letters.

  3. kerbey says:

    Zippy is a bad example of nominative determinism if he is not zipping around at high rate. Perhaps he should have been named Zippy Clippy to specify keeping it at a high clip. And I suppose it’s fine and good to cycle in a new Eli, now that the other, grander Eli is stepping down. This kind of thing cannot be staggered. You didn’t see Elvis Costello trying to make a name for himself before The King dropped dead. The King passed out on the toilet in 1977, the same year Costello recorded his debut album. That is how these things work. In that line of thinking, a new Prince can now alight on the music scene.

  4. wdydfae says:

    “. . . like a javelin dropkicked in a half-court shot, Arto’s latest FNitN rips past the checkered flag for a resounding hole-in-one . . .”

    “. . . Arto’s zippy chippiness brightens our vitie in a fresh new FNitN . . .”

    “. . . from Halapoulivaati to Srivaddhanaprabha, Arto’s funny name round up N’Golos where no man has N’Goloed before . . .”

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