Klippity Klopp-Klopp

Happy almost summer, fellow bloggers! Today’s funny-named fella may look familiar. If older George McFly and the actor who played him in BTTF, Crispin Glover (himself oddly-named), had a baby, it would be Jurgen Klopp. See what I mean?

Spitting.

Image.

So who is Jurgen Klopp? Well, since he’s German, folks over there pronounce it Yurgen. He’s a former “football” player who now manages club Liverpool in the Premier League. Of course, it’s not really football as we know it; it’s soccer. But y’all know how they do over there. I suppose if he resides in Liverpool, he’s a bonafide Liverpudlian (so fun to say, while bringing to mind images of puddle-hopping and rainy UK days). But did you know they’re also called “Scousers,” a reference to “scouse” or stew? Who cares about Jurgen when I can show you pics of scouse? Mmm!

Doesn’t that look filling? There’s even a Global Scouse Day each year on February 28th, with over 150 Liverpool restaurants dishing it out. I bet Jurgen has had his fair share of scouse. Y’all, I can’t stop thinking of Jergen’s lotion as I type this post. I mean…

Focus, Kerbey, focus! Okay, so sporty Jurgen’s father, Norbert, a former goalkeeper, introduced his son to soccer as a lad. Per The Guardian, the younger Klopp revealed, “When they were handing out our A-Level certificates, my headmaster said to me, ‘I hope it works out with football, otherwise it’s not looking too good for you.'” Alas and alack! That’s not nice. But it did, in fact, look good for him.

After both amateur and professional careers kicking a ball around for money, he decided he’d rather boss the players around than be one: “I had fourth-division feet and a first-division head.” Nice work if you can get it. However, Klopp failed to mind his manners and said mean words to the ref during a March 2014 Bundesliga match against Borussia Mönchengladbach (you’re not even gonna try to pronounce that one) and wound up paying a fine of €10,000 (approximately $11,205 and considerably more than I made last year). Aren’t you glad you don’t get fined for saying mean words?

And I’m certainly not being mean when I bring your attention to our man of honor’s surname, Klopp, meaning clapper or hammer. It reminds me of the sounds of Budweiser horse hooves hitting an icy winter’s pavement. Klopp, klopp, klopp. Mmm, beer.

parade.com

Evidently, Klopp likes beer as well because he met his current wife, Ulla Sandrock (not to be confused with Sandra Bullock) at an Oktoberfest pub. Prost!

As a professional manager, Klopp is a proponent of gegenpressing, a tactic in which a soccer team, after losing possession of the ball, immediately tries to win back possession, rather than falling back to regroup. I don’t care a farthing about any of that jazz, but I do like the word gegenpressing. The Germans really have the monopoly on fun phrases. Most of us know about schadenfreude, finding joy in another person’s pain, but do you know of kummerspeck?

Imgur

Or what about your inner pig-dog, the voice in your head that tells you to sit on the couch and watch “American Ninja Warrior” instead of actually doing push-ups? Your pig-dog tells you to hit the snooze button, to order another pint at the pub. Your inner pig-dog is your weaker self, but mercy, it’s cute as a button.

chatterbug

Well, we can safely assume that Jurgen Klopp has been rebuking his inner pig-dog. Not only does he manage his team, but he also gets that bread by doing endorsements. Heard of the banking group Volksbanken-Raiffeisenbanken? Me neither. Man, do Germans love to end their words with N’s. Am I right or Amarillo?

He has also shared his famous face in German anti-racism campaigns (which is a good direction for Germany), whose slogan is “Respekt! Kein Platz für Rassismus” (“Respect! No room for racism”). I think we can all agree on that.

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15 Responses to Klippity Klopp-Klopp

  1. I’ve never seen the German word for inner pig-dog. Nearly made me snort my coffee out my nose. Well played.

  2. Having grown up around some German families, I am familiar with “schweinehund” (used as an insult) and the name Jurgen doesn’t strike me as weird. Your subject’s father, however, does have a name that tickles me: Norbert Klopp sounds like he would be teaching at a German wizarding school. Also, a dreadful proportion of my calorie consumption is probably down to “kummerspeck”.

    • kerbey says:

      You, being more well-traveled than I, will clearly have more experiences with other languages. So that does make sense. And I feel you on the kummerspeck.

      • Ha! I am actually dreadful with languages. truly terrible. I did, however, grow up in a postwar new town in Scotland that had a fairly eclectic population so I had neighbours who were German and neighbours who were Polish and grew up hearing their vocabulary.

  3. Benson says:

    I am pretty sure my inner pig dog is actually a wolf. He ate my Schweinehund years ago when his kummerspeck overcame him.

  4. ksbeth says:

    you were on such a good roll with this one, stream of consciousness with threads of connection .bravo! p.s. I am all about grief bacon.

  5. wdydfae says:

    “. . . Kerb returns to yakety yak her some klippity klopp . . .”

    “. . . All we can do is klappity klapp klapp klapp! . . .”

    “. . . We haven’t seen Kerbey enter the sports arena since . . . wait a minute, I don’t think we’ve EVER seen Kerbey enter the sports arena . . .”

    “. . . Kerb trounces that racquet ball and drives it down the end zone for a goal in one! . . .”

    “. . . Kerbey’s messing up my mind with her word play, and my eyes with those graphics . . . ”

    “. . . Now I can’t tell the difference between Kerbey’s pics and the ads . . .”

    • kerbey says:

      Hooray–nothing but net! That’s a sports thing! That song reminds me of my 1984 cassette of the “Stand by Me” soundtrack. Ah, sweet yesterday.

      (and i see what you mean about the ads–so tacky! down with ads!)

  6. Bumba says:

    Sorry, but it’s your own fault, but Klopp reminds me of Klump, Klump St in North Hollywood. In fact the streets of North Hollywood are a treasure trove of funny named streets. From Lemp to Agnes. New funny street blog?

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