In the good land of BoFN when Christmas drew near
Folk were having . . . not quite universal good cheer.
For in fact, there was one . . . er, his name we can’t say . . .
Whud Id Fah? Whud Yuhd Fee? Or, Why Diddy Fay?
But in all BoFN towns and in each BoFN city
The BoFNites chose to just call him . . .
Now in Diddy’s hard, cold, little bristly brain
There bounced back and forth only one tired refrain.
“This name waste must stop! Stop wasting those names!
No, no, no! Don’t you waste! No more name wasting games!
Funny names are a rare, irreplaceable treasure!
Don’t waste them, I say! They are rare beyond measure!”
And so it went on, and then on, and on more
Until BoFNites marched to bang on the king’s door.
“Tell this Diddy to cease! Tell this Diddy to hush!
But don’t you stop there: tell this Diddy ‘Shush! Shush!'”
So King Dave rolled his eyes and paid Diddy a visit.
And he said, “Look here, Diddy! This isn’t keen, is it?
This pouting and shouting and spouting–not good!
The real estate’s tanking in each neighborhood.”
“Look around you! These names are not really so rare!
They are here! They are there! There are names everywhere!
You see, Diddy, funny names DO grow on trees
And on bushes and twigs and from pods of green peas.”
Now, according to custom, a Scrooge-ish conversion
Takes many long scenes in a good movie version,
And many a page in a fine children’s book,
And that is indeed how long Diddy’s took,
But we’ve got strict word limits so we’ll jump on ahead
And show, not old Diddy, but the new one instead.
“King Dave, you are right!!! How could I be so wrong?!?”
Diddy said (and we promise this change did take long).
“There are funny names here, and funny names there!
Why, there’s one on the porch, and on the third stair!
Yes, finding these names is not hard! It’s a cinch!
Look, here’s Cindy Lou Who, Mayor Maywho, and Grinch!
Cindy Lou lives in Whoville and Grinch on Mt. Crumpit,
And he tore down its slopes blaring blasts from a trumpet!”
Thus Diddy expounded, his arms stretched aloft.
“Oh, and Grinch had a song sung by Thurl Ravenscroft!”
“Now you doubters who gasp, to your total surprise’ll
hear Theo LeSieg, Theodor Seuss Geisel
A.k.a. Theophrastus, our own Dr. Seuss!
(Who drew the green eggs with a car and caboose)!
And our Seuss had a publisher named Bennett Cerf,
And though it’s off topic, this thing’s called a Smurf!“
Well, the BoFNites marched to King Dave’s house once more.
“Stop this Diddy!” they cried. “NOW HE’S WORSE THAN BEFORE!!!“
So, we hope that our tale gave you some small delight,
We’ll end here and wish you a good Christmas night!
this is absolutely brilliant !
Fact: Theodor Geisel pronounced his pen name “Soice” to rhyme with voice. Ever since I learned that I have had no trust in humanity.
. . . or in my rhyme scheme. Now I’ll have to write the whole dang thing all over again!
That Suess with a “Soice” makes the rhymes a hard choice.
Do I rhyme it with “goose,” or rhyme it with “voice”?
Noice. Very noice.
While “Soose” gives us “Bruce” and “footloose” and “caboose”
And “Toulouse” and “orange juice” and forsooth “Clare Booth Luce”
That “Soice” gives us only “voice,” “choice” and “Rolls Royce”
Or–it’s a stretch–“boys,” “toys,” “poise” and “joys.”
I always enjoy this post! And your incredible rhyming skills!
Thanks, Fannie! Is this the BoFN equivalent of the Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer claymation special?
I truly think it is!