9th Annual Poll, Funniest Names in the NFL Draft.

“First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.”– George Burns

My, how time flies when your having fun with funny names. I can’t believe this is year #9 for this warped feature. Before you know it, I’ll be nearing the end of that George Burns sequence quoted above. You’ll know it; I probably won’t. The only consolation I have now is that some of the big lugs mentioned herein, thanks to all the knocks on the noggin they’ll be getting in the pros, will go tearing down that highway of cognitive deterioration a lot quicker than I will.

Anyway, let’s get down to it. 2021’s draft has a bumper crop of mind-tickling monikers, but there is no clear favorite. Here are the primary candidates [And of course, this feature wouldn’t be complete without my postulation of what these names might be, if they didn’t belong to football players]

Oh, and if you want to refresh your memory before you go into cognitive decline, here are the links to previous eight polls.

The true Aman-Ra?

Amon-Ra St. Brown, WR, USC– You have to wonder about his parents and their infatuation with names of Egyptian gods. His older brother Equanimeous Tristan Imhotep St. Brown was the winner of the 6th annual poll, and his younger brother, Osiris plays for Stanford and is likely to show up in a future draft. Do funny names run in the family? And speaking of running, they are all three wide receivers–maybe they are running from their names? What I think the name sounds like: the offspring of The Mummy and a British Archeologist.

Kwity Paye, Edge, Michigan–Is brevity soul of wit in funny names? Paye has the shortest name of any nominee since 5th draft winner, Jake Butt. His story is rather amazing, as his family came to the US to escaped a civil war in Liberia. What I think his name sounds like: the hippo ballerina from Fantasia.

Isaiahh Loudermilk, DE, Wisconsin–If you didn’t do a double take when you read this name, then you didn’t notice that first name spelling with the double h.  Were his parents alphabetically challenged? His father’s first name is Carteze. Gesundheit! What I think his name sounds like:  A second cousin of Ezzzekial Softswill.

The best Mc name ever?

Racey McMath, WR, WR, LSU–Sadly, there are no nominees this year in the hyphenated name category. But McMath becomes the first “Mc” name in the history of the poll, and the funniest Mc in sports since the boxing Arroyo brothers, McJoe and McWilliams. And outside of the sports world, who can forget Boaty McBoatface?  What I think his name sounds like: an arithmetic-teaching Muppet on Sesame Street.

Divine Deablo, S, Virginia Tech–Wow. Just…like…wow. Maybe you can make up a name like this. I sure can’t. This call up memories of seeing God Shammgod playing basketball for Providence College back in 90’s. I never forgot that name; I never will. What I think his name sounds like: A character in an online fantasy role-playing game.

Josh Imatorbhebhe, WR, Illinois.–Ok, so this year’s poll is top heavy with wide receivers. In the case of Josh Imat…Imator–sorry my keyboard ran out of letters–it’s bottom heavy. Remember the line from Amadeus–“too many notes?” This name has too many letters. What I think the name sounds like: A skipping phonograph needle.

We went with six nominees this year, as it was tough to eliminate any of the aforementioned. As usual, there’s a gang of honorable mentions eligible for write-ins.  They include, but are not limited to, Creed Humphrey, Simi Fehoko, Tutu Atwell, Tommy Tremble, Chuba Hubbard, Kyhiris Tonga, Whop Philyor and frankly, anyone else whose name you can make a reasonable attempt at spelling .   Voting closes at noon, EDT, May 3.

About Mark Sackler

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."-Alan Kay; Let's invent a better future, together.
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7 Responses to 9th Annual Poll, Funniest Names in the NFL Draft.

  1. kerbey says:

    Divine Deablo is a contradiction in terms! Great job.

  2. beth says:

    my civic duty has been completed, with my vote

  3. Arto says:

    These are all pretty amazing names. I had to vote for Racey McMath because that one put the biggest smile on my face, but you can’t lose with any of them!

  4. Racey McMath is by far my favorite. Well done Mark, that is quite the field to choose from!

  5. wdydfae says:

    “. . . Mark takes that pigskin and slides it over the net for a slam dunk . . .”

    “. . . As far as I’m concerned, anyone that works in a reference to Boaty McBoatface is first pick in my BoFN draft . . .”

    “. . . George Burns may have been negligent about that Zippy McZipface but the only incontinence around here is from laughing too hard . . .”

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