It goes without saying around here that Kerbey is one of a kind. You might find her offering up a post full of cryptic, Zen koan-like epigrams. She could be shooting off some wild, out-of-left-field observations in the comments. Or, she might be laying down some Cheshire Cat style psychedelic free association in the comments about comments. Whatever it is, Kerbey’s awesome riffs will leave you asking, “Wh- What just happened?”
Almost from the beginning, I thought it would be great if Kerb ever turned her paragraphs into free verse . . . We won’t take that liberty here, but we will honor Kerb’s dizzying verbal dexterity with some choice excerpts. Since Kerb’s quips turn the world upside down, we recommend reading these with Larry David’s theme running in the background. Just push play and . . . Gooooo Kerb!
Entry #1: from “Klippity Klopp-Klopp” (June 19, 2019)
“Or what about your inner pig-dog, the voice in your head that tells you to sit on the couch and watch ‘American Ninja Warrior’ instead of actually doing push-ups? Your pig-dog tells you to hit the snooze button, to order another pint at the pub. Your inner pig-dog is your weaker self, but mercy, it’s cute as a button.”
Entry #2: Comment (May 30, 2017) on “Mopsy Strange Kennedy, Ph.D.” by Fannie
“I actually had a stuffed dog animal as a tween named Mopsy. It did not survive past the 80s. Mopsy sounds like a good hosting name bc it reminds me of the names out of The Preppy Handbook: Muffy, Missy, Buffy, Bitsy, Bootsy, Bunny. Right?”
Entry #3: Comment (May 19, 2014) on “Iggy Azalea: would Amethyst Amelia Kelly by any other name sound as sweet?” by Dave
“Well, she’s certainly less wizened than Iggy Pop, but I’m getting a Nicki Minaj vibe here. Palm trees on her boobies? Touting her fanciness? Pride comes before the fall, Amethyst. On the plus side, Mullumbimby is fun to say. But doesn’t hailing from such a place set you up to be called a Mullumbimbo? Just a thought. She can flick her hair like nobody’s business. And I still prefer ‘Get Lucky’ to ‘BL’… “
(with Dave’s original captions!)
Entry #4: Comment (April 1, 2014) on “Captain Lorenzo Dow Baker knew there’s always money in the banana stand” by Liz
“You made me read the word ‘Orinoco,’ like ‘Orinoco Flow,’ and I hate Enya, so now I am mad. Yesterday I bought bananas, explaining to my son that it was Monday and on Mondays, the store only offers blackened dead bananas or lime green unripened, so it’s lose-lose. Also, as I was purchasing a bottle of sangria, there was a bottle of banana bread beer right next to it. !! So your post is timely. I did not purchase it.”
OK, what was your favorite entry? Answer below! Better yet, find another Kerbey gem in BoFN’s archives!