I Dare Say D’Orsay

Y’all, I watch a lot of Hallmark movies. Every new movie on Saturday at 8pm, I am there. And while I am very aware that Candace Cameron Bure is the queen of Hallmark, and that Lacy Chabert is the princess, I contend that Brooke D’Orsay is Miss Christmas, as she was labeled in the movie of the same title. In it, her job was to find the perfect Christmas tree, bold and grand, the opposite of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Here she dons one of many colorful Hallmark film jackets, probably during a warm summer shoot in Vancouver, surrounded by fake snow and empty mugs of what is purported to be hot chocolate.


But it is not the jacket I covet. Nay! Hands down, it is her covetable hair. Thick and lustrous and long. Almost like a flowing horse’s mane, which is exactly what her last name brings to mind. The hubs and I have referred to her as Brooke D’Horsey, as it’s easier to say. Let’s take a moment to enjoy some stock footage. I only wish this were an Appaloosa, which rolls off the tongue!

If you say it quickly, it almost sounds like Divorcee, which she is not. What D’Orsay is is Huguenot. Also fun to say.

I do admit that her coif is not always on point, as in the Dumpling Paradox in 2007’s Big Bang Theory, but such was the intention. It still looked better than Penny’s drastic post-wedding pixie cut. On that, we can all agree. D’oh! I mean, D’ohhhrrsay.

In Miss Christmas, she stars with Fiona Vroom, another splendid surname. It invites you to say it twice, perhaps while playing with Hot Wheels cars. And speaking of cars, the movie Cars has a character named Mater, voiced by Larry the Cable Guy. Hallmark does them one better with an actor named Niall Matter. Yes, Matter, pronounced precisely as the tow truck. And while Niall Matter sounds very Southern and good old boy (and like a tomato, frankly) Niall himself is actually a third-generation Canadian oil rigger.

But he’s not the only Hallmarkian with an interesting name. We have twists on names, such as Kavan instead of Kevin, Brendan instead of Brandon, and Kristoffer instead of Christopher (who starred in another Hallmark movie with the Marvelous Meghan Markle, crowned with her own rhyming title of Duchess of Sussex, though her sister has dissed her as DUCHASS). Oh, snap.

But back to Brooke. D’Orsay is actually a derivative of D’arcy, Darcy, Dorcey, Dorcy, and Dorsey, which means that Jane Austen’s (who really should be Austin) Fitzwilliam Darcy in Pride and Prejudice is essentially a D’Orsay himself.

But what even IS a D’Orsay? Glad you asked. It’s actually a shoe or slipper made with a circular vamp and a quarter that curves to meet the vamp at the shank line. That sounds like a rollicking murder mystery, no? The Vamp at the Shank Line…

Sexy, no? Just like Brooke’s hair. Of course, it’s also the name of a museum in Paris filled with old French art. And the middle name of Charles Dickens’ son. You don’t say! But none of them is as fair or shares the hair as enviable as Brooke “Miss Christmas” herself.

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13 Responses to I Dare Say D’Orsay

  1. I need a new winkle picker. Probably could use some new shoes, too.

    • kerbey says:

      That term was certainly new to me, but also made me think of Henry Winkler, who was on the John Ritter ABC special last night, where they referred to his sit-com with Kaley Cuoco, who played Penny, whom I mentioned in this post. Take that, Kevin Bacon.

      • To me sounded like a product you’d find late at night on Amazon Prime. Then you’d buy it because who knew when you might just have excess winkles and no way to pick them. The next morning remorse would set in. Wait…was that too much information?

        • kerbey says:

          Goldilocks would say it was just the perfect amount of information. I guess I’m getting to an age where I need to worry about Winkles more and find products that effectively pick them. Surely there’s an infomercial about winklepickers?

  2. Only 3 payments of $29.99…BUT WAIT!

  3. wdydfae says:

    “. . . Bravo! . . . Kerbey makes her mark in the BoFN hall of fame once again . . . We could almost call it a Hall Mark . . .”

    “. . . that’s one doozy of a girl next D’Orsey . . . ”

    “. . . there’s nothing formulaic about this Hallmark special, as Kerbey serves up more arcane hair and shoe terminology than we’ll ever know what to do with . . .”

    “. . . if anyone can turn a horse comparison into a compliment, it’s Kerbey . . .”

    ” . . . am I the only one who think Kerbey is severely underrating that stringy BBT styling? Time for a poll . . .”

  4. beth says:

    I love my hallmarks from time to time, nothing like them. I remember when Meredith Baxter Birney was big in these movies. Seems like it would be a great gig.

  5. I have never heard of the actress and, while I have encountered the surname before, I had zero idea it was named for a shoe having never heard of that shoe style – though I recognise the style from the diagram. So thank you for the education delivered with humour.

    • kerbey says:

      🙂 Well, I doubt her name is even known by many Hallmark watchers, just one of dozens of pretty blondes LOL. But I got an education on shoes myself! And thank you for putting that S in recognise…

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