Y’all, I watch a lot of Hallmark movies. Every new movie on Saturday at 8pm, I am there. And while I am very aware that Candace Cameron Bure is the queen of Hallmark, and that Lacy Chabert is the princess, I contend that Brooke D’Orsay is Miss Christmas, as she was labeled in the movie of the same title. In it, her job was to find the perfect Christmas tree, bold and grand, the opposite of a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Here she dons one of many colorful Hallmark film jackets, probably during a warm summer shoot in Vancouver, surrounded by fake snow and empty mugs of what is purported to be hot chocolate.
But it is not the jacket I covet. Nay! Hands down, it is her covetable hair. Thick and lustrous and long. Almost like a flowing horse’s mane, which is exactly what her last name brings to mind. The hubs and I have referred to her as Brooke D’Horsey, as it’s easier to say. Let’s take a moment to enjoy some stock footage. I only wish this were an Appaloosa, which rolls off the tongue!
If you say it quickly, it almost sounds like Divorcee, which she is not. What D’Orsay is is Huguenot. Also fun to say.
I do admit that her coif is not always on point, as in the Dumpling Paradox in 2007’s Big Bang Theory, but such was the intention. It still looked better than Penny’s drastic post-wedding pixie cut. On that, we can all agree. D’oh! I mean, D’ohhhrrsay.
In Miss Christmas, she stars with Fiona Vroom, another splendid surname. It invites you to say it twice, perhaps while playing with Hot Wheels cars. And speaking of cars, the movie Cars has a character named Mater, voiced by Larry the Cable Guy. Hallmark does them one better with an actor named Niall Matter. Yes, Matter, pronounced precisely as the tow truck. And while Niall Matter sounds very Southern and good old boy (and like a tomato, frankly) Niall himself is actually a third-generation Canadian oil rigger.
But he’s not the only Hallmarkian with an interesting name. We have twists on names, such as Kavan instead of Kevin, Brendan instead of Brandon, and Kristoffer instead of Christopher (who starred in another Hallmark movie with the Marvelous Meghan Markle, crowned with her own rhyming title of Duchess of Sussex, though her sister has dissed her as DUCHASS). Oh, snap.
But back to Brooke. D’Orsay is actually a derivative of D’arcy, Darcy, Dorcey, Dorcy, and Dorsey, which means that Jane Austen’s (who really should be Austin) Fitzwilliam Darcy in Pride and Prejudice is essentially a D’Orsay himself.
But what even IS a D’Orsay? Glad you asked. It’s actually a shoe or slipper made with a circular vamp and a quarter that curves to meet the vamp at the shank line. That sounds like a rollicking murder mystery, no? The Vamp at the Shank Line…
Sexy, no? Just like Brooke’s hair. Of course, it’s also the name of a museum in Paris filled with old French art. And the middle name of Charles Dickens’ son. You don’t say! But none of them is as fair or shares the hair as enviable as Brooke “Miss Christmas” herself.